Inspired by the venerable ESQUIRE MAGAZINE
1. We’re just as nasty as you are. But we used to get burned at the stake for it, so we’ve been on our best behavior for the past four hundred years.
2. As a rule, we smile at each other in the ladies’ room. Usually we’re sneering inside. We’ve been conditioned to secretly scorn each other… and worship you.
3. As little girls we humped our stuffed animals, or we screwed down pillows and worried we’d give birth to goose babies.
4. What’s worse than the man who can’t find our clitoris? The man who’s so proud he can, he strums away like every stroke will bring him a million bucks.
5. We labored for Mohammed, nursed the baby Jesus, and taught Moses right from wrong. Abraham tugged at our skirts; And we whooped baby Adolf senseless.
6. Crying sheds multiple toxins and burns a lot of calories. It’s also fun! It is a major factor in our longer lifespans.
7. We wish you’d teach us more about tools. They’re awesome!
8. You may think our premenstrual chocolate cravings trivial, but the flavonoids in those bags of chocolate chips have been medically proven to help break the dam.
9. “Hee hee, shopping???”
“Huh huh, football! Fishing! War!”
It’s a tradeoff, boys.
We’re still gatherers and hunters deep in our blood.
*Kate Duva is not appearing in any upcoming miniseries.